Big Day (of 3) Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the first day of my qualification exam. It qualifies me to be a candidate for PhD. Every graduate program has a different method, and in some cases a different name, for administering the exam. Some get questions and a week to answer, while others have to do assessments and write-ups on patients. The exam I start tomorrow spans three days. Day 1 and day 2, though not necessarily consecutive, involve the writing portion and day 3 is the oral defense. At 8 am, I will receive questions surrounding two of four previously chosen and researched topics. I do not get to know which topics those are. I will have from 8 a.m. until noon to prepare my answers. Then after a 30 minute lunch I will go to a closed-off, secure room and write out my answers until 5 p.m. or until I am finished, whichever comes first. Now, I don't necessarily have to take the full 4 hours in the morning. I do this process twice. Two full days of writing. Ugh! Then no sooner than two weeks later, I sit in a room with my committee and they grill me about my answers. Double ugh!

As I mentioned, I do the first day of written tomorrow (Monday, August 9, 2010). Then I take a break for a day, or as I will likely be doing, cramming for the next day of written since I will know what those topics are. Then on August 11, 2010, I will take the second day of written. If you are astute, you will have noticed that August 10th falls in between those two days of the written tests. That is my birthday. My 31st birthday to be exact. And according to the Frisky, because we all know how reliable and extremely important their information is (not!), I will reach my peak (www.thefrisky.com/post/246-women-are-most-appealing-at-age-31/). It doesn't necessarily mean it's all downhill from here, but it is based on a survey that women are still beautiful (read: no wrinkles yet) and we finally know it (took us long enough!).

Now, this would all be great if I wasn't in the throes of a crucial part of my career development. I am hoping this newfound confidence (and matching beauty of course) will still be around on August 24th, the day after my oral defense. That will be just in time for me to start teaching at my new job. :-)

Wish me luck (I'm going to need it)!

Surgery

The term surgery seems so harsh and clinical. I am going to have surgery in the next month or so and I will have to go to a hospital to have it. However, I will be back at work the next day according to the nurse. Not exactly what I was picturing when the term surgery was getting thrown around, but without insurance, it's exactly what I wanted to hear. I get to give my doctor $750 to do the surgery and I get to pay the hospital some unknown amount for use of their facility, and the best part is, I get to pay it all out of pocket. :-/

I would like health insurance soon please. :-(

Peter Donnelly shows how stats fool juries | Video on TED.com

Peter Donnelly shows how stats fool juries | Video on TED.com

Peter Donnelly is my hero. I will incorporate this into one of my classes for sure. This is such important basic stats, and yet we all get it wrong.

Wait, I'm not finished...

Songs/lyrics I'm loving right now:

Ben's Brother - "Let Me Out":

You start to believe it's a curse that you're under

And you're just a doll for a girl who is cruel

With a pin...

I'd rather be wandering hungry and homeless

Than here in the warmth of a silent defeat.

You've gotta be honest with me a be ruthless

'stead of shifting uncomfortably there in you're seat

and your skin

Beth Hart - "Leave a Light on"

The Script - "Before the Worst" and "Talk you Down"

Bad Company - "Shining Star" and "Feel Like Makin Love"

Jeff Buckley - "Hallelujah"

Emerson Hart - "If You're Gonna Leave"

We can stand on reason

We can fight about all the things

This isn't forever

This is more than a wedding ring

But do you understand it baby

When you say it's over its done

Maybe I'm not the one

Missy Higgins - "Where I Stood"

See I thought love was black and white

That it was wrong or it was right

But you ain't leaving without a fight

And I think I am just as torn inside...

You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all

But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you

This is what I have to 

Brandi Carlile - "The Story"

All of these lines across my face

Tell you the story of who I am

So many stories of where I've been

And how I got to where I am

Oh but these stories don't mean anything

When you've got no one to tell them to

The Persishers - "Sway"

It was you who picked the pieces up

When I was a broken soul and then glued them back together

Returned to me what others stole...

I look at you and see a friend

I hope that's what you wanna be...

You gathered my dreams in when they all blew away

And then tricked them back in to me

You saved me

I was almost dead

Ok, so the lyrics don't necessarily reflect my life, but they are powerful none the less. Maybe this will be my last status update...but who knows. ;-)

Quals

I'm supposed to be in the library reading for my qualification exam (quals). But alas, I didn't look at the library hours and they don't open for another couple hours, so I decided to update my blog. It's been awhile. I suppose I could do a status check.

School: I successfully defended my thesis in January and finally managed to post the document in June. So I will officially get my Master's Degree in August/September time frame. The degree will say "Master of Science". I'm pretty excited about that! Technically I could quit and get a job somewhere making pretty decent money, well, enough to live on my own anyway. But that seems silly.

I take the two written tests for my qualification exams on the 9th and 11th of August (yes, they are straddling my birthday). Then I do the oral defense on August 23rd. I'm pretty nervous about them right now, but with everything, I know I will get through it. And then I will be ABD (All But Dissertation), which is an official title for the record. So it's silly to get a job when all I have left to finish is to do my dissertation, see?

Work: Well, I am still enjoying teaching, though I would like to make improvements in my knowledge base. But I know that will come with time. It looks like I will be a TA next quarter here for a social psychology research methods course. This might actually be a good thing since I wanted to do social when I first applied to grad schools. My only concern at this point is that the class is 8 hours/week. That's a lot of time to be sitting in a classroom.

I start teaching at UD on Aug. 25th and to say I'm nervous would be an understatement. It's a good nervous though. I'm excited! I get to create my own syllabus and tests and quizzes and attendance policy. It will be my *very own* class. And, it's teaching statistics. So, excited is the word. :-)

Family: Still living with mom. Still *desperately* can't wait to be living on my own again. I'm too much of a loner to enjoy this living situation. I know it's painful for her for me to want to be out of there so badly, so I try not to show it, but my skin is crawling with the need to be free.

The girls are getting huge and it's breaking my heart! Alia is almost up to my shoulder!! Caitlyn starts kindergarten this year and Natalie will be going to preschool. :-( I get to take them school clothes shopping after my written test. That will be a total blast! I really do loving spending time with them. Alia and I will probably go to the bookstore, get some books and spend some time reading. I love that she reads so much. I just hope that she also keeps up with her writing as well. Caitlyn is so sweet and generoous. I hope she never loses that. We will probably go to the mall and ride all the mechanical rides there. She *loves* that. And I love seeing her face when she's riding them. It's like Christmas or something. Natalie of course will want to eat. That's kind of her thing. We will probably go to Qdoba and get guacamole. She is so energetic! I hope when she gets older she can focus that energy into solving the world's problems. :-) Right now they are in Gatlinburg. I wish I could have gone with them, but I really needed to get quals done.

Love life: Well, I am in my 30's (31 in 9 days now!), so everyone wants to know what my love life status is. Am I seeing someone? Well, no. That's the short answer. Remember when I said I had gone through a breakup of sorts? Well, I haven't exactly cut off contact with that person so my heart is still fully invested, even though it's pointless. I've learned a lot from the situation though. Among other important things, I've learned that I need someone who loves me back and is willing to do what it takes to show me that.

I don't feel like trying to find someone permanent right now. 1. I don't think he's here in Dayton. I want to move far, far away and most of the people I meet here don't. 2. I don't have time. Relationships take, and deserve, work. I just don't have that kind of time. So, yes I'm single. And even more importantly, I'm ok with that.

Health: Still no insurance. I decided to go to my 'woman' doctor the other day to get my checkup. You know, the annual exam I haven't had since 2004. Well, it turns out I should have gone much sooner. I am having a procedure tomorrow that I've had twice before and wish to never have to have ever again. That procedure will determine if I have to have a simple surgery procedure. All of this is paid for out of pocket. :-( In the end, I need to find a doctor (once I have insurance) who will just do the hysterectomy and oophorectomy. Then I wouldn't have to worry about all the problems I have compounding on each other like I do now. Other than that, fit as a fiddle.

I haven't been working out recently, but once I am done with quals it's back on. :-) I'm going to start running. I went a couple times last week and I like it. I may even try to do a 5K before the end of the year. But we'll see. :-S

OK, well that was more than anyone wanted to know about me. Good thing no one reads this. :-)